Teeth, Skunk Spray, and a Blonde Moment...

Just so you know I always have the best intentions of blogging regularly, but at the rate things happen in my home I rarely have the time, so there is a lot to catch up on. First, I just found out that Thing #1 has to have braces and Thing #2 is close behind and Thing #3 is happy in the fact that he has a somewhat perfect smile despite the fact that Thing #2 (aka the dentist)knocked out both of his front teeth. Interesting factoid, when a tooth is karate kicked out of someones mouth a distinctive click sound can be heard from miles around. That sounds is usually followed by a pool of blood, a bewildered person, and a shocked kicker. Luckily they were just baby teeth and the new ones should come in anytime in the next three to four weeks. Secondly, I am convinced that Great Danes have the same spraying power as a skunk. The whole week my house was similar to how I imagine gas chamber training at a military boot camp. Whenever Daneosaur eats, there is a low whisper that follows later on, and that kick starts the rapid evacuation from the living room. Thirdly, I have to share a humbling story. It's funny, but humbling. Right now on any given day I have a ton of stuff going on as do many people. I am also finishing up some school online in my free time. I attend a christian college online. Most of my classes have all required some Bible reading and reflection. In my new class, Crisis Intervention, we had to give a reflection from our James reading. Being so conditioned that we reflect on our Bible reading, I assumed the professor meant reading James from the Bible. All that to say, I read the Book of James, I reflected, and I got an email from my professor. She said that the really enjoyed my take on James and was glad that I had gotten so much from reading it, but she was more interested in what my opinion was of our reading from our textbook that was also written by a dude named James. At that point with everything that normally goes on here at the zoo, I could only laugh at what had to be the most EPIC blonde moment of my entire life. Even worse than the time I nearly knocked myself out trying to spit out of a car window or the time my pants ripped while on my way to take my kids to school. The whole way there my son kept announcing that because I had my jacket tied around my waist no one could see the giant whole in my pants. Awesomeness... No, this particular situation isn't new to me nor do I think I am likely to improve anytime soon. On the plus side, even though I was severely off base in left field, I got half credit!

The Present

At our house there is a birthday season that runs from October to January. Thing #1 ends out the season with her birthday being in January. Unlike other moms that have the task of planning, preparing, and throwing a party with dozens of other crazy small humans, we go to Disneyland. The annual passes have practically paid for themselves. We celebrate everything there and I mean everything. So as long as I can convince my children that going there is better than a normal birthday I am going to use it. So when it came time for the Wild Thing's Birthdays and even my own, we went to the happiest place on Earth. My only job was to get one gift. For Thing #3 it was a tub of Lincoln Logs, for Thing #2 a horse with a carrying purse, and for Thing #1 a Rapunzel Princess Dress to wear at Disneyland. So of course I wait til the week of her birthday to buy the dress and of course I bought it online. Not my smartest moment, but I thought since I had paid the "special shipping" charge which is code for "Oh snap, I totally waited til the last minute to get a gift", I thought it would arrive on time. Yeah, I am that mom. So for the whole week, I was on STAMPS.com checking the status of my shipment. I even called the post office in hopes that it would arrive before our Saturday departure for Disney. So throughout the week, Thing #1 has been getting birthday packages. It seemed as though every few minutes there was something at the door. This goes on for two days.... Finally, on Friday we had received two packages and none of which were the dress. I had accepted the fact that my poor planning cause Thing #1 to be potentially without a dress. Then the door bell rings just after 5 PM. I was so excited I ran to the door only to find that it was Thing #2's jacket she had left back in Texas. At the risk of having to reveal my blunder, I quickly ran to Wal-Mart in hopes of finding a dress. In fact 364 other days of the year, I would find a bazillion dress up dresses. This day, NOTHING!!!! And its getting later. I run through the girls section and the only thing I can find is the Christmas clearance section. Luckily, I see a dress that potentially looks enough like the new version of Alice from Alice in Wonderland. All that to say, she went to Disneyland as a smaller version of new Alice and not Rapunzel. She had a blast and when we got home on our door step was the stinking package I had been stressing over all week. My husband had a good laugh and Thing #1 was all like, "Awesome, I get two dresses!" To which I respond, yes. Like I totally planned it that way....Next year, I am just giving them all cash.

Quiet Time

There is no such thing as "quiet" in a house full of animals and children. Especially if your house happens to be filled with three Wild Things, a Dane-o-saur, a gremlin, and three little pigs. For the next week and a half all the Wild Things are out of school for winter break. Winter break makes me appreciate the semi quiet time I do have when the Things are in school. All that to say, they are HOME. For those of you who don't know, I recently went back to school to finish my last couple of semesters online. This so far has worked out well as long as I can do my work while the Things are at school torturing their teachers. It being winter break I am less than focused on my studies. So what do I do, I sent them off to "play". I do this daily hoping for some different results, but it never fails. Wild Things are going to do what Things do best...cause trouble and make noise. So on Wednesday of this week I started doing my homework and I sent them off to "color" when all of the sudden I hear from the crafting corner of my house where the colors and paper are, "Yep, it needs more glitter. I think you're right, just dump it!Yeah, glitter it up!" Glitter to me is microscopic sparkly stuff that was invented by Satan to drive parents insane. Once you unleash it, it never goes away! Plus, I am not even sure where the glue and glitter came from. It's like it appeared from that mystical land of stuff that makes your parents wig out. It appears, makes messes, I have a cleaning nervous break down, and it goes away. After that and henceforth I declared our home be glitter free...I only hope to abolish the use of glue as well. Again today I had homework and the Wild Things had set off to "play quietly" so I could finish before the weekend. "Quiet" turned into a make shift bedroom band of what appeared to be either a Native American drum circle or African drumming! There is also singing, but not the angelic voices one might hope for...no the Things want to be rock star veterinarians, so there is yelling, and wailing. As a bonus feature Dane-o-saur started chiming in with his wailing and moaning. The door bell rings and guess what is delivered, a Justin Bieber guitar/piano.(Thanks Auntie E) Guess what it does!? Yep, now the musical stylings of Bieber has joined the dying cat sounds of the Wild Things, with the painful moans of the Dane-o-saur and I am seriously trying to complete my homework. Normally I would be more chill about stuff, except for today I ran out of Dr. Pepper. So I am going into withdrawal at this point as well. Towards the end of what can only be described as the most eclectic sound one will ever hear, I finally give up on doing homework and scrounge up whatever syrup like drink I can find, the only thing I have is grape juice, and I sit back and enjoy the show. However, if they really are in the per-stages of forming a garage band I am definitely going to need to stock up on two things: Dr.Pepper and ear plugs!

I know Karate....

I remember taking shopping trips with my mother as a kid. Like all kids do, I often wandered away sometimes to the next isle. Like all mothers do, she would warn me about the dangers of wandering to far. Now years later I am the mom and my kids are the wanderers.

On Saturday we took a family trip to the huge two-story Target. It has lots of cool stuff to look at and many isles. While trying to decide on a particular bedding, I noticed that my eldest daughter began to wander out of sight. Quickly I followed her as she went over to the next isle to look at what I am sure was a shiny object. I then began the "Mother" speech (The speech handed down through generations of mothers to aid in situations where children who suffer from Shiny Object Syndrome do goofy or sometimes dangerous things).

"Do You Know What Could Happen To You If You Wander Off? Do You Know How Easy It Would Be For A Kidnapper To Walk By And Snatch You Up? Do You Know How Dangerous That Is?"

Then my eldest daughter without even a slight hesitation replied with extreme certainty, "No It Wouldn't! A Kidnapper Couldn't Take Me, I KNOW KARATE! I Would Use It To Chop Them."

By this time her father with the other Wild Things came around the corner. It was all he could do to keep from smirking. I without response to her statement turned away to chuckle as well. Once we were composed enough, we tried our best to explain that dangers are sometimes too great to be conquered by mere Karate.

I am a hyper paranoid parent when it comes to keeping my children safe. You have to be these days with all the evil lurking about to harm your kids. I try my best to keep watch over my Wild Things, but even moms sometimes can't be everywhere all the time. It makes me feel good to know that she is at least prepared to do something should she ever find herself in trouble. She is little but she is mighty! Plus, little big sister has a heck of right hook and seriously strong kicking leg...and she knows Karate!

Just Hand Over The Cookies....

I have been an avid supporter of Girl Scout cookies for as long as I can remember. I heart those cookies great big. So sad to me that my season of cookie eating is coming to a close and will have to wait til another year.

Since the dawn of my knowledge of Girl Scout Cookies I have made it a point not to miss a season. However, now that I am on my last box I reminded of the season I did miss because of the Wild Things.

One morning about a year ago now there is a great commotion happening outside of my bedroom door while I was getting ready for the day. Since we had only had our kids for about three months at that time I quickly opened the door fearing that someone was hurt.

When I opened the door, there they were...three little Wild Things holding a box of Girl Scout Cookies in each hand. The ruckus I heard was the stomping of their excitement that a "girl" came to the door and just gave them these boxes of cookies!

I am still in my pajamas, hair wrapped up in a towel and I am barreling down the stairs yelling at the kids to return the cookies to the girl. By the time I got to the wide open door, the poor little Girl Scout had snatched back her boxes, threw them into the wagon, and was running away from our house down the side walk. Leaving my poor little cookie thieves in disappointment and my hope of buying cookies shot.

After that there wasn't a Girl Scout that came with in a mile of our house. I am almost certain that the word had been spread about our address. I was cookie-less the rest of the season.

I would like to think that the Wild Things well calculated attempt to heist the cookies the previous year was just an innocent mistake of how cookie buying works and cookie thieving rehabilitation is possible. In all honesty, I think that our address will remain on the black listed. I supposed the family that moves in after us will be wondering why no one comes to their door next year to sell them cookies. To them all I can do is apologize. Lucky for us, I was able to buy some cookies from a friend this year.

We've since moved and are starting over in a new city. No one knows that our kids are former notorious cookie thieves and I plan to keep it that way!

But word of advice to the Girl Scouts coming to our house...leave your wagon out of sight until you see an adult present, if not who knows how the Wild Things may react.

The Wild Things...

I can remember a time in my life when it was a lot quieter and I could take naps if I wanted. That was before I had my children, The Wild Things.

I technically didn't have them...as they are all adopted. By all, I mean three. I have three tiny humans (two daughters and a son) we adopted about a year ago and they remind me of the Wild Things.

Yes, my quiet life as I knew is no more. My husband and I are now the head wranglers of three of the most unique, intelligent, and mischievous little beings you'll ever meet. Our house is seldom ever quiet and when it is you know that they are all up to something. They require vast amounts of food (mostly hamburgers), clothing, and hand sanitizer.

Our daily adventures together are never dull and are almost always full of some kind of calamity. They are a rowdy bunch and keep life interesting. I do my best to keep up with them...Thank goodness for Dr. Pepper!

I feel very blessed to have the privilege of being their mother and I wouldn't change a thing about my experiences with them...except the gray hair!

It’s my hope that you enjoy reading about them as much as I get to enjoy raising them.

-L.J.